I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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