We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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