Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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