Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
