You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
