what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
