I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
