I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
