Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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