You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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