too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
