I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
