i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
