you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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