dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
