I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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