I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
