Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
