You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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