you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
