I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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