maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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