He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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