What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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