I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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