tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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