there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize