plz talk dirty to me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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