I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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