Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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