I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
