My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
