I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Come on in and take your pants off
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