I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
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I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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