lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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