so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
