god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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