her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
