Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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