alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
