the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
