if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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