I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
