i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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