I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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