Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
