I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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