apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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