i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
