now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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