can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
why is half of my head shaved?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
