I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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