I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
