I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
