the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
