hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
