Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
