wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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