i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
