You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
