hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
