I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
