You just made me feel so damn special
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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