when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize