lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
