Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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