she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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