hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
