ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
