Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
