i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
