It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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