Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
