Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
