honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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