Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
